the one where I talk about divorce and fried chicken

A while ago I was talking to a friend of mine about her recent divorce and she said, “Honestly Lynsey, divorce is fantastic! I’ve never been happier!”, and then, kid you not, she followed that up with, “....anyway, I have to go. I’m going to go get a bucket of chicken and watch Oprah on Tivo”. This was around 1pm on a Saturday. A Saturday that her and I had spent doing a little morning drinking-and-drowning of sorrows and worry. A little Saturday morning that we were actually able to spend together kid-free, due to each of us having a court-ordered parenting agreement that found us kid-free for an entire Saturday. It was right at that moment that I knew I would be okay. I mean hell….I like fried chicken…….I like Oprah…….sounds like a match to me.

Now, it hasn’t all been fried chicken and Oprah reruns and drinking in the mornings (I know, I was shocked too), but I have to say that it’s been, in a word, fine. Dare I even go as far as to say “good”. Have there been moments of worry and concern for my children’s well being that made me question just what the in the hell I was doing? You bet! Have there been moments of shock where I realize just how hard it is to not have a partner? Absolutely! Have I measured the distance from my roof to the ground below to see if I would be able to get a good leg break out of a jump, granting myself a mandatory hospital stay/vacation? Of course I have! But what I have been doing more of is Walking A Line. A line that is neither here nor there. A line that exists but isn’t clear. A line that moves and shakes and isn’t dependable nor regulated, but is mandatory when it comes to the unspoken agreement of divorcing/divorced spouses. A law that basically says I’ll be nice to you, if you’ll be nice to me. That’s mine, this is yours. I’ll won’t bitch about how you never did the dishes, if you don’t bitch about how I never folded the laundry. I’ll only speak of you in the highest regard to our children, if you give me the same courtesy. Yes, you can totally have that damn painting, I’ll pretend that I never liked it anyway so you don’t have to feel guilty about taking it. Yes, I’ll still be nice to your stepmother. No, I won’t freak out when I find out that the kids met your new “friend” and mentioned that she has a nose ring AND an eyebrow ring AND tattoos all over AND she brought them ice cream. ;)

Divorce is a trick(y) pony. But sometimes marriage—especially a marriage that is one you shouldn’t be in any longer, is a bull ride. I did my 8 seconds. It was a hell of a ride. I got my rewards (they are currently happily chattering in the room right next to me, in need of a bath and bed), but I needed off the bull. Should I have been bull riding to begin with? Doesn’t really matter. You do the work, you learn the lessons, you take what’s given, you’re grateful for the opportunity……and you move on.

And moving on is what I have been doing. I pay my respects to the past that brought me here—here, in this good, good place—and ever onward we go. Today I received a super sweet email from a friend. She is coming to a place in her life where some of her friends are getting a divorce. She isn’t. And she, like many others, is still waiting on that manual to come out that tells people the perfect things to say to their loved ones in times like divorce. She asked if I would help a girl out…..tell her how to be a good friend to her friends that are in a position that she knows little about personally. Tell her what I wish people would say to me. This email wasn’t totally out of the blue. She had seen me out and about with a “special friend” and she hadn’t known what to do. Say hello? Ask for an introduction? Ignore me completely for fear that she had just walked in on a secret date? I don’t have the answers for everybody, but I do know that if you see me around town with a tall dreamy guy, you feel free to come right on over and give me a big hug (I’m into that now)—I’d be happy to introduce you.:) My not mentioning my personal life since my Big Divorce Blog Post has nothing to do with trying to be secretive. In fact, I’m so happy right now, I’m practically contagious, so if you get the chance totally get all up in my personal space and I’ll try to breathe on you and share my germs of joy (and perhaps my sangria straw).

After said Big Divorce Blog Post I got a lot of email, most of it from people telling me just how shocked they were. But, there is nothing shocking about what’s happening. Shock is an emotion that you feel when something happens that you think you should have seen coming. How on earth could anyone have seen someone else’s divorce coming? Though I tend to be an open book (large print with pictures, at that), I still have doors that close and things that happen beyond them. No one expects to get a divorce. Doesn’t mean that we were as happy as clams one day and that this came completely and totally out of nowhere the next like a slap in the face. I like the father of my children more today than I did a year ago. Because today he is being honest. He is being himself. He probably hasn’t been able to be that way in a while. And, quite frankly, I like him—always have. He's a funny and smart guy that has good vision and dental genes--him and I are going to be excellent friends and amazing co-parents. We just don’t need to be out riding on bulls.

I am surrounded by an amazing group of friends and family that is honestly, completely and totally out of my wildest dreams. I am grateful for the messages of care and concern. I feel like I have spent the last two months marinating in a ridiculous amount of support and love. And I thank you. People….we can move on now. You don’t have to do that head-tilt thing when you ask me how I am. You don’t have to be worried that I am googling nearby bridges to jump off of (I mean, I live in Colorado, folks—there aren’t any). You don’t have to worry about what you can and can’t say to me. Things can’t go back to normal, because they never were normal to begin with. But, we find a new baseline and we move on.

Also, buckets of fried chicken and Oprah for everyone.;)

I'm sorry, Lynsey isn't here right now, can I take a message?

Tomorrow, August 26, through Monday August 30, I will be taking a little “vacation” (quote fingers to signify that I will not be on a beach or anything, and it’s possible you will run into me at Target or wherever, but my hope is still to be completely checked out:). While I probably won’t be able to resist the allure of Facebook, I do hope to resist the calling of email, voicemail, Photoshop, and….my steam mop, even though I love that thing to the end of the world and back (him and I are going to spend some quality time together today to say our goodbyes). Should you need anything from me, or if you are wanting to borrow my steam mop, best ask me today.:)

I will return all voicemails and emails and random requests sent by messenger bird on Tuesday August 31. Which is also the day I have set aside some time to steam mop.

No fun without pictures. LOVE these guys. This baby girl always gets a lot of attention—and why not? She is about the cutest thing on 2 feet. Mom and Dad are just as lovely.

Obnoxious, of the very best variety

Oh, these guys. These guys are my people. On the phone planning this session, I told her that I was all sorts of obnoxious and she said she was too. And she is--in the best possible way. Far better than my crazy-flaky self is. She is just Fun Obnoxious. Good Energy Obnoxious. I-want-to hang-out-and-let-the-kids-play-and-eat-mac-n-cheese-with-her, Obnoxious. It's the best kind. ;)

So, she toted a garbage bag around during our session. I was just going to let it go--I mean, we all have our quirks, right? Who am I to judge? ;) But, finally I broke down and asked her...hey--what the heck is the deal with the garbage sack? She said she brought some "signs" and she was keeping them a secret. I have no idea if she knew about Notes Girls Write or not.....but.......could this little "sign" be any sweeter? They are celebrating their 10 year anniversary this year, he still doesn't know what the sign said. ;)

kiddos, by the gaggle

I’m better on the fly. When given the chance to marinate in my own rambling nonsense of words, it never comes out as well as when I just force myself to write the rambling nonsense as it bounces it’s way around my head for the first time. I have to try though, because I love these guys, and getting 5 kids ready for picture day earns you at least a good sneak peek......and a strong drink. ;)

This family is part of a really large extended family that I have photographed in many different forms on many different occasions. I’m not from a really big family and I rather enjoy the little glimpse I get every once in a while of what it must be like. It’s busy. It’s loud. It’s fast. But it’s a fun busy/loud/fast. The kind I could really get used to marinating in.;)

Yesterday I spent the morning photographing this family of seven and then came home to watch seven kids in my house for a couple of hours. Now, I’m not going to lie……I was freaking tired. I still am. But it’s one of those good, smile-still-on-my-face sort of tireds. When I was little I used to drag around my dolls everywhere. Like a dozen of them. Everywhere. My grandmother used to say that I’d either have 10 kids or none because I would be so tired from dragging all those babies around. Well, I am tired. And I’m not up for 10 kids. (Not to mention that I think I am a little late to get on the ball for that one.) But…..when this house is full of chatter and screaming and hair braiding and the sweet whispers of a group of children plotting against you, and my work days are full of these kids that I’ve known for years and have gotten to witness growing up……well, that’s just good stuff right there.;)

Little dude gives me a run for my money every time. No matter, as I enjoy a good run--why on earth should he give it away for free? ;)

They still like each other. I like that. ;)

jars of Mikes, cake mixes, and unlimited texting plans

I’m a big believer in people showing up in your life exactly when you need them, even if you don’t know it yet. Back in November, Jamie was just another annoying client who was trying to set-up a session and wanted me to return my voicemails and emails in a timely fashion. (You people can be so demanding.;) I was hoping that she would be equally annoying in person, but sadly her and her family were wicked cool and now, 8 months later, and she is one of my dearest friends. Her and my friendship is a complicated one—the best ones usually are—but it’s a keeper and if it works out the way I want it to, she is going to have to put up with my "obnoxious, full-of-energy" self for a really long time.

She asked if Chautauqua would be too much trouble. I told her it would be a complete and total pain and we should absolutely do it (she has that kind of power over me). So….on what I think was the hottest day of the year, we loaded up these ridiculous kiddos who were full of energy and comfortable enough with me to know that I’m a huge push-over and they would get their lollipop no matter what, and this sweet husband of hers who refused to hug me (I’ll forgive him because the handshake we exchanged was out of this world) and we took pictures. And they gave me a hard time (little tip—never tell someone your most hated word—they will always use it against you), and they put up with me barking orders because all professionalism I used to have with them was thrown out the window months ago.

Chaos and crazy ensued. I love their chaos and crazy. And I love that they put up with mine.;)

throw your hands in the air, like you just don’t care.

The words aren’t coming really easy today….maybe because I usually don’t blog until it’s dark out……and my kids are asleep…..and, okay, let’s be honest, until I’ve had a glass of wine and am a little more joyful with the world.;) But, tonight finds me off to my very first official PTO Board meeting as a board member. And I am guessing that they are going to want to shower their new Vice President with attention and hugs so I need to spend the afternoon resting up for that.;)

LOVE these guys. Little cuties. Baby girl invited me to stay after for a picnic. Wish I could have. Other people’s kids are way more fun to hang out with. (This mama is ready for summer to be over—can you tell?:)

sainthood

I think in general the rule is that you don’t enter sainthood until you’re dead, but I think we would all be in agreement that if any group of people get to bypass that rule, it’s kindergarten teachers. Sure, we all have a great deal of respect for teachers, but….have you spent much time in a kindergarten classroom? Because this last year I did. And I’m still having flashbacks....and nightmares.....and uncontrollable twitches. And I’m pretty sure that I am still tired 5 months later over that Valentine’s Day party that required me to be there for 1.5 hours wearing a headband that had light-up hearts.:) If I had to do that for a whole day, I would need to be heavily medicated. Like, even more than I am now.:) Don’t get me wrong—I like kids. In fact, I like kids more than adults usually. But 25 five-six year olds in a room for 6.5 hours……that takes a special someone. And, for my oldest that special someone was this mama.

I had tons of reservations about my kid and kindergarten. Not in one of those clingy mom sort of ways—on his first day I practically drop kicked him out the car window and drove away with my tires screeching—but in a “wow, this whole public school thing is really overwhelming” sort of way.

And, now I have been spoiled. It would take some kind of fabulous to live up to the expectation that this amazing woman set for my family. Maddox cried for about 2 hours after the last day of school because it was the first time that he realized, not only would he not be starting 1st grade the next day, but Mrs. Dykes would likely never be his teacher again. And, it’s possible I shed a tear over that too. My only solace is that I have one more kiddo that she’ll have to put up with. At least she better—I’ll do whatever it takes to get Nate into her class in 2011-2012. And that includes refusing any other Room Parenting positions that I might be offered this year. I have to rest up—it’s going to take me a year to recover and prepare for my next run. Plus, my heart is exclusive--I’m a Room Mom for only this one. She gets me and I love her to pieces. :)



And this sweet girl, I'm pretty fond of too. ;)
Don't Even. Care. That the jump shot is so totally corny at this point. LOVE this anyway.

sneak peek, if I even remember how :)

I have been LA-zy around here. I mean, Capital L, A-Z-Y. For the record, I do still show all clients sneak peeks…..it’s just that I have been doing it through Facebook and email lately, because of my blogging capital L-aziness.;) But, these guys are the perfect folks to get me back in the saddle. This poor mama, who tried and tried and emailed and emailed me and finally resorted to having a mutual friend of ours shoot me an email that said “HEY LYNSEY, ANSWER YOUR EMAILS ALREADY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!”, so I would finally get on the ball. I was going to hold out for her to send a dove with a message or something to my house, but I didn’t want to seem rude.:) Plus, who really does that anymore—hire a message sending bird? Which is too bad. Because it would be fun to get a message by bird someday.

These 5 are all sorts of lovely. They are twirls and freckles and jumps and giggles. Brown paper packages tied up with string. Delivered by bird.:) Thank goodness I finally returned her email or I would have totally missed out.